You Can't Get AIDS from a Sneeze

My latest article is about aromatase inhibitors, a new class of breast cancer drugs, but a far more interesting article in today's science page is on Bexxar, a lymphoma drug that actually uses antibodies to administer radiation specifically to cancer cells.

A couple days ago, I read about someone whose health teacher didn't hang around with gay people because she was afraid she might catch AIDS. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't believe there were people so ignorant, yet it didn't surprise me. I will counter this ignorance by spreading knowledge, and I expect you to spread it yourself. Go on. Be a virus.

Diseases are spread by pathogens. These are any number of microscopic buggers: bacteria, viruses, fungi, etc. AIDS is caused by HIV, which is Human Immunodeficiency Virus.

Now, there is some controversy as to whether a virus can truly be considered alive, but for my purposes, I will consider it to be a living organism. It contains genetic information and the ability to pass it on. That's good enough for me. Also, it allows me to anthropomorphize it more easily.

Each virus is different. They like different parts of the body. They require different things to survive. From what I've learned, I'm not even certain we know why certain viruses behave the way they do, but we know they do, and that's what's important.

HIV is found in high concentrations in the blood, semen, vaginal fluid, and breast milk. These are the only bodily fluids you really need concern yourself with when worrying about "catching AIDS." It is present in very low quantities (if at all) in the saliva, sweat, tears, feces, and urine, but the concentration is so low as to be negligible (we're talking ten thousand times lower than in the blood). A person with AIDS — let's call him Bill — could pee directly into your mouth and you'd be safe. But that's really gross.

The other thing about HIV is that unlike the cold and flu viruses, it can't survive outside the body for very long at all. It's incredibly weak, and very codependent. HIV is hardly present in mucus in the first place, so a cough or sneeze spells a very lonely death for the virus. By the time it reaches you and scrambles around looking for a way to get in your nice warm body, it's too late.

That is the other consideration: the virus needs a way to get into your bloodstream. If Bill touches you, there is no way HIV from inside him could have gotten into your blood. You are safe. First of all, there was very little virus hanging out on his hand anyway. Plus, HIV is incredibly lazy, and it needs easy access. None of this epidermis business.

If Bill — no, let's switch gears and talk about his friend Karen — If Karen bleeds on you, you are also safe. Wash it off immediately, but don't flail around screaming, "I've got AIDS! I've got AIDS!" Like the process required to become a vampire, the blood needs to mix with your own. This is why blood transfusions sometimes led to HIV infection — now that we have HIV tests, it's less of an issue. In the same vein — no pun intended — sharing needles is another method of transferring the virus from infected blood to fresh blood.

The fact that HIV is so concentrated in the semen and vaginal fluid is why it is a sexually transmitted disease. During sex, the vaginal lining can be sloughed off, providing a route to the bloodstream. The reason gay men have a high rate of affliction is because the rectal lining is even thinner than the vaginal lining. You have the two conditions necessary for infection: a large supply of virus and a way to get in.

Every virus is different, and these are the quirks of HIV. It takes quite a bit of work to get, as direct access to the bloodstream is not very common. Plus, only certain bodily fluids carry a high risk of infection.

And of course, even after all that, you don't contract the disease immediately. The virus can party in your body for years before getting to work. All that time, though, you're able to pass it on.

The A in AIDS stands for Acquired. You cannot just magically get HIV; you must acquire it from someone else. You can have unprotected sex with three thousand people, and if none of them have the virus, your chance of having the virus is zero. Unless you already had it, in which case you have a lot of phone calls to make.

AIDS is a sexually transmitted disease. It is transmitted through sex. It is transmitted through direct blood-blood contact. You can't get it from a sneeze. Or a cough. Or a touch. And for God's sake, you can't get it from being around someone with AIDS.

If you know someone with AIDS, here are some things you probably shouldn't do with them:

• have unprotected sex
• take a blood oath
• share needles
• remove some of their blood with a syringe and inject it into yourself

If you know someone with AIDS, here are some things you should do with them:

• give them a hug
• shake their hand
• kiss them
• share your drink

It is literally safer to be around someone with AIDS than it is to be around someone with a cold. If the person with AIDS has a cold, though, watch out! You might get sick!

With a cold. Not AIDS.

Here are some informative pages on HIV transmission:

• CDC Fact Sheet
• Minnesota AIDS Project
• Avert.org

Honestly, if you meet someone who doesn't understand how HIV is transmitted and why, please set them straight.